MrKnowAll.docx

Mr.KnowAl1W.SomersetMaughamIwaspreparedtodislikeMaxKeladaevenbeforeIknewhim.Thewarhadjustfinishedandthepassengertrafficintheocean-going1inerswasheavy.Accommodationwasveryhardtogetandyouhadtoputupwithwhatevertheagentschosetoofferyou.YoucouldnothopeforacabintoyourselfandIwasthankfultobegivenoneinwhichtherewereonlytwoberths.ButwhenIwastoldthenameofmycompanionmyheartsank.11suggestedclosedportholesandthenightairrigidlyexcluded.Itwasbadenoughtoshareacabinforfourteendayswithanyone(IwasgoingfromSanFranciscotoYokohama,butIshouldhavelookeduponitWilhlessdismayifmyfellowpassenger,SnamehadbeenSmithorBrown.WhenIwentonboardIfoundMrKelada,s1uggagealreadybelow.Ididnotlikethelookofit;thereweretoomanylabelsonthesuit-cases,andthewardrobetrunkwastoobig.Hehadunpackedhistoiletthings,andIobservedthathewasapatronoftheexcellentMonsieurCoty;forIsawonthewashing-standhisscent,hishair-washandhisbriIliantine.MrKelada,sbrushes,ebonywithhismonogramingold,wouldhavebeenal1thebetterforascrub.Ididnotatal1likeMrKelada.Imademywayintothesmoking-room.Icalledforapackofcardsandbegantoplaypatience.Ihadscarcelystartedbeforeamancameuptomeandaskedmeifhewasrightinthinkingmynamewassoandso.441amMrKclada,headded,withasmilethatshowedarowofflashingteeth,andsatdown.mOh,yes,we,resharingacabin,Ithink.“Bitofluck,Icallit.Youneverknowwhoyou,regoingtobeputinwith.IwasjollygladwhenIheardyouwereEnglish.I'mallforusEnglishslickingtogetherwhenwe'reabroad,ifyouunderstandwhatImean.,Iblinked.44AreyouEnglish?”Iasked,perhapstactlessly.“Rather.Youdon,tthinkIlooklikeanAmeriCan,doyou?Britishtothebackbone,that,SwhatIam.Toproveit,MrKeladatookoutofhispocketapassportandairiIywaveditundermynose.KingGeorgehasmanystrangesubjects.MrKeladawasshortandofasturdybuiId,clean-shavenanddark-skinned,withafleshyhookednoseandverylarge,lustrousand1iquideyes.Hislongblackhairwassleekandcurly.HespokewithafluencyinwhichtherewasnothingEng1ishandhisgestureswereexuberant.Ifel1prettysurethatacloserinspectionofthatBritishpassportwouldhavebetrayedthefactthatMrKeladawasbornunderabluerskythanisgeneralIyseeninEngland.44Whatwillyouhave?mheaskedme.Ilookedathimdoubtfully.Prohibitionwasinforceandtoallappearancetheshipwasbone-dry.WhenIamnotthirstyIdonotknowwhichIdislikemore,gingeraleor1emonsquash.ButMrKeladaflashedanorientalsmiIeatme.44Whiskyandsodaoradrymartini,youhaveonlytosaytheWord.''Fromeachofhishippocketshefishedaflaskandlaiditonthetablebeforeme.Ichosethemartini,andcallingthestewardheorderedatumbleroficeandacoupleofglasses.“Averygoodcocktail,mIsaid.44Well,thereareplentymorewherethatcamefrom,andifyou,vegotanyfriendsonboard,youtellthemyou,vegotapalwho,Sgotallthe1iquorintheworld.MrKeladawaschatty.HetalkedofNewYorkandofSanFrancisco.Hediscussedplays,pictures,andpolitics.Hewaspatriotic.TheUnionJackisanimpressivepieceofdrapery,butwhenitisnourishedbyagentlemanfromAlexandriaorBeirut,Icannotbutfeelthatitlosessomewhatindignity.MrKeladaWaSfamiliar."Idonotwishtoputonairs,butIcannothelpfeelingthatitisseemlyinatotalstrangertoput“mislcr''beforemynamewhenheaddressesme.MrKelada,doubtlesstosetmeatmycase,usednosuchformality.Ididnot1ikeMrKelada.Ihadputasidethecardswhenhesatdown,butnow,thinkingthatforthisfirstoccasionourconversationhadlastedlongenough,Iwentonwithmygame."Thethreeonthefour,saidMrKelada.Thereisnothingmoreexasperatingwhenyouareplayingpatiencethantobetoldwheretoputthecardyouhaveturnedupbeforeyouhavehadachanceto1ookforyourself."It'scomingout,it,scoiningout,hecried.Thetenontheknave.,WithrageandhatredinmyheartIfinished.Thenheseizedthepack.“Doyoulikecardtricks?”uNo,Ihatecardtricks,“Well,I'11justshowyouHeshowedmethree.ThenIdining-roomandgetmyseatatmOh,that,Sallright,Ianswered.thisone.msaidIwouldgodowntothetable.hesaid."I'vealreadytakenaseatforyou.Ithoughtthataswewereinthesamestate-roomwcmightjustaswel1sitatthesametable.,IdidnotlikeMrKelada.Inotonlysharedacabinwithhimandatethreemealsadayatthesametable,butIcouldnotwalkroundthedeckwithouthisjoiningme.Itwasimpossibletosnubhim.11neveroccurredtohimthathewasnotwanted.Hewascertainthatyouwereasgladtoseehimashewastoseeyou.Inyourownhouseyoumighthavekickedhimdownstairsandslammedthedoorinhisfacewithoutthesuspiciondawningonhimthathewasnotawelcomevisitor.Hewasagoodmixer,andinthreedayskneweveryoneonboard.Heraneverything.Hemanagedthesweeps,conductedtheauctions,collectedmoneyforprizesatthesports,gotupquoitandgolfmatches,organizedtheconcertandarrangedthefancy-dressball.Hewaseverywhereandalways.Hewascertainlythebesthaledmanintheship.WccalledhimMrKnow-All,eventohisface.Hetookitasacompliment.Butitwasatmealtimesthathewasmostintolerable.Forthebetterpartofanhourthenhehadusathismercy.Hewashearty,jovial,loquaciousandargumentative.Hekneweverythingbetterthananybodyelse,anditwasanaffronttohisoverweeningvanitythatyoushoulddisagreewithhim.Hewouldnotdropasubject,howeverunimportant,tillhehadbroughtyouroundtohiswayofthinking.Thepossibi1itythathecouldbemistakenneveroccurredtohim.Hewasthechapwhoknew.Wesatatthedoctor'Stabl